I murdered the dance floor call the cops
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
