There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
