So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
