Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Duck Duck Cougar?
babies were throwing up all over the place
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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