Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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