I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dicks are not precious.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
