I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
