omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
