Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Can I color on your dick again?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
