I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
