i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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