It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
