I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
