You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
