My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
