if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize