My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
