trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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