i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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