So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
A bitchslap is in order.
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