I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
