i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I need a beard to bite.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
