I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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