we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
