she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
