Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
God, you're like boner-b-gone
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You made out with two different species that night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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