Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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