I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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