just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
