So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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