my being single is dangerous.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
