I am puke
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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