I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
