We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
