that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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