Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
