Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she told me i tasted like america
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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