I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
