she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
two words: eviction party
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
