I got chris browned last night
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
