thus making me awesome and them whores
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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