Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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