So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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