I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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