$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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