my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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