Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
