Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
