I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
