My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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