dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
