in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i came on her dog
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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